I remember that moment like it was yesterday. Even though it was over 3 years ago now!
I was coming out of the bathroom, in the middle of a 10 day intensive addiction therapy session at the Rideauwood Addiction and Family Services building. I finished washing my hands looking into the sink when I glanced up at the mirror, and that’s when, for the first time in close to a decade, I felt comfortable looking into my own eyes. I didn’t hate the person in the mirror, I didn’t love him, but I liked him more than I had in years.
As I write this I am getting chills thinking about how grateful I was to have the opportunity to work on myself and setup the building blocks for who I am today.
Before then, my best picture, and profile picture on all of my stuff was basically this. My Mom hates this picture because my skin was drunk red, and I liked it because I was in Nepal trying to get comfortable in my own skin, but that didn’t come until 2 years after this photo was taken.
In developing this brand, which unbeknownst to most, I have been doing for a number of years, I was using the above picture combined with all my business ideas and projects as a way to promote myself and feel better about what I was doing. It didn’t work at first, but now It’s a lot better.
In retrospect, the redness was drink, but also Nepal humidity, induced…
… But the confusion (?), was all self inflicted.
157 picture photo shoot
I decided to clean up my act, get uncomfortable and pose. As ridiculous as I have felt about it all, getting through this has made it easier to accept who I am and who I’ve become from where I used to be.
Now that all this is done, I’m going to keep on getting better at this everyday. It’s not always comfortable, and some pictures, or days, I’ll be actually feel sincerely ugly… And that is ok. I am, and you are not to be defined by a moment in time. Our actions define us, not our thoughts, nor other people’s thoughts about us. Nor our self-perception. These are just the voices of others who have moved into my head space. It’s up to me whether I listen to them or not.
Although I started this self-portrait adventure, years ago in Nepal (2014), and then tried a few other times as I still struggled with alcohol abuse, I really got back into it all thanks to Snap chat and people not saying anything about the way I looked.
I hella did, but I’ve grown past it, and now I’m doing things like this.
How about you? What are you troubles and/or struggles with your self-perception?
I write articles like this because I’d love to know what others struggle with to see if I might be able to grow from others’ input as well.
What’s your story, what’s your deal? Let me know!